I CAN MOONWALK!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
