New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
