I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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