I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
