You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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