Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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