hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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