Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
