fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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