I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize