i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize