First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
