I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
there is glitter all over my balls
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