You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
