They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
