If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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