Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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