Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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