i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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