On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
