Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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