She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i barfeds in our rink
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You dont lie about slip and slides
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
