I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
