I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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