Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize