I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
