How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
