he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
