I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
