My room smells like vodka and shame
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
