just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
