david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
