wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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