i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize