Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
