Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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