The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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