STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
