life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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