After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
