is your mom at the bar?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize