i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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