whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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