thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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