So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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