This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
