Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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