I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
