If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
