I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
