If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
