I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
