At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
pray to the hookup gods
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
