He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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