your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
