oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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