you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
