He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
