I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
