No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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