She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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