I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
