I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
