I swear she didn't look like that last week.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
