my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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